Cyber-yeti

A rare sighting of the Welsh cyber-yeti, popularly known as ‘Lonesome Loathsome’ or ‘Ye Olde Mournful’ was reported last night in Aberystwyth. The hairy ‘bionic beast’ is thought to have fled the mountain heights due to this winter’s severe weather. Earlier - unconfirmed - reports suggest this delightfully eccentric British techno-creature has been lurking around Cardigan Bay for a period of several months.

Pipe down

In coldest weather during the silly season, pipes are prone to breakdown - warns UK's plumbing watchers, the Pipe Down Society. Domestic pipes might burst into tears if not kept safe from chilly temps in our wintery discontent. Frosty treatment of pipes could prompt leaks or floods. Don't leave your pipes to suffer alone in silence. Lag a pipe today!

Snow Golems

WANTED! Mobile or melted

Beware of terrible Snow Golems during severe weather...

They are made of icy cold & are not to be trusted with your children. Just like snowflakes, 'snow golems' are individually unique. Each snow-golem has an ill-will of its own. Some have hearts of black ice, others might have big snowballs.

* Do not risk sticking a carrot into any snow-golem's head 
* Do not give a snow golem your hat or scarf
* Do not add more snow to an existing snowman (it could turn into a snow-golem, overnight!)

Further warnings will follow this early report...